Frying Pan or Fire

This blog charts our story in trying to have a family. It describes the soul-destroying, mind-bending, insanity-producing experience of being told that your baby has serious abnormalities, and to decide that you believe it to be kinder, for the baby, not to continue with the pregnancy. And to be faced with this situation twice. This is not a blog which is pro-TFMR or anti-CTT (carrying to term). This is purely the story of what has happened to my husband and I and how we came to our decisions.

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Monday, 22 July 2013

One in 10

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Timeline

  • Feb 2008 - early miscarriage
  • January 2009 - BFP
  • March 2009 - abnormalities found at 11wk scan
  • May 2009 - give birth at 20wks as more abnormalities are found
  • November 2010 - BFP
  • January 2011 - 12wk scan is fine!
  • March 2011 - abnormalities picked up at 20 wk scan - utterly horrified. Our worst nightmare comes true.
  • May 2011 - give birth at 29 wks as brain abnormality continues to deteriorate
  • September 2011 - array CGH test shows that both boys had an unbalanced translocation of chromosome 6&9 and that I have a balanced translocation of the same chromosomes
  • Jul/Aug 2012 - IVF/PGD No1 - no healthy embies
  • March 2013 - IVF/PGD No2 - BFN
  • October 2013 - IVF/PGD No3 - no healthy embies
  • March 2014 - Natural BFP ends in TFMR #3
  • January 2015 - Unsuccessful egg donation cycle #1
  • November 2015 - natural BFP ends in TFMR #4

About Me

Fryingpanorfire
I’m 36, married, and living in London, UK. We have been pregnant three times and each baby was much wanted. The first pregnancy ended in miscarriage. The second pregnancy we sadly brought to an end because of brain and heart abnormalities. Our third baby also developed brain abnormalities. We decided to bring that pregnancy to a premature end too. Both babies have since been diagnosed with chromosomal abnormalities, and I have been found to be the carrier. We have had three unsuccessful rounds of IVF with pre-implantation genetic diagnosis (i.e. genetic screening).
View my complete profile

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Search This Blog

Blogs about TFMR

  • Trisomy 18 Loss- Music and Musings
    now the eyes of my eyes are opened
    6 years ago
  • 1 in 10
    Ashleigh, Massachusetts
    10 years ago
  • Lucita | A story of TFMR and a journey to TTC
    Excerpts in Time
    11 years ago
  • Dreaming With a Broken Heart
    So there was this little thing I forgot to mention . . .
    11 years ago
  • Letters to Layla
    right where i am: four years, six months, seven days
    12 years ago
  • Termination for Medical Reasons in the Media
    Everything's bigger in Texas, especially the fetuses!
    12 years ago
  • A garden for butterflies
    12 years ago
  • Rainbow After the Storm
    Butterfly
    13 years ago
  • Angel Seashore Blog
    open enough to feel .. just feel
    14 years ago
  • Isaac's Journey
    Safe but Sleepless
    14 years ago

Blogs about Un/Balanced Translocations

  • Unspoken Grief
    If I Could Offer Advice to Anyone Experiencing Grief
    8 years ago
  • Losing Leo
    Facebook
    9 years ago
  • Ben's CDH Story
    It’s About Compassion
    9 years ago
  • Connor's Song
    In Which Connor's Doing Well
    11 years ago
  • uninterrupted prosperity
    kiya’s second birthday
    11 years ago
  • We Could Not Ask For More
    Play House Bouncers!
    11 years ago
  • Booferd
    It's Summer, Man, Where do we begin?
    12 years ago
  • Babies, Balanced Translocations, and Being in My 30s
    Blogging Goes out the Window
    12 years ago
  • Scrambled Genes
    27 weeks!
    12 years ago
  • Surviving Baby
    New Blog
    15 years ago
  • Barren Goddess
    Finally
    15 years ago
  • Translocation
    What is a balanced translocation?
    18 years ago
  • My Journey To Become A Mummy

Blogs about IVF/PGD

  • Keeping a Straight Face
    How Maslin got her Name
    10 years ago
  • Our Journey through IVF PGD
    Bathroom Picture
    10 years ago
  • An Angel called Amelie
    The Happiest News...And He is Here : )
    10 years ago
  • IVF PGD - Our Journey
    First Childless Night
    11 years ago
  • A PGD blog

Blogs about babies who have died

  • Too Many Fish to Fry
    The Dinosaurs Surviving the Crunch
    3 years ago
  • Notes of Naya
    Coming along
    5 years ago
  • Silent Love
    Embrace Every Moment
    8 years ago
  • From Under the Weeping Willow
    I Don't Know What I Don't Know
    9 years ago
  • Life as I know it....
    The Baby in the Picture
    9 years ago
  • Jamesie beats the tumor
    Four years gone
    10 years ago
  • The Dead Baby Club
    Celebrating Pregnancy Again - a Book
    12 years ago
  • Stillborn, Still Standing
    Two years
    12 years ago
  • For Fathers - When a Baby Dies
    What about the boss?
    13 years ago
  • Life After Two Losses
    Introducing Amellia Rose
    15 years ago
  • glow in the woods - community blogroll
  • Knocked Up, Knocked Down

Labels

  • agenesis of the corpus callosum
  • amniocentesis
  • balanced translocation
  • BFP
  • Birth
  • chromosomes
  • egg donation
  • exomphalus
  • hydrocephalus
  • Inflammatory Breast Cancer
  • IVF
  • L1CAM gene
  • marriage
  • miscarriage
  • nuchal fold
  • oedema
  • PCOS
  • PGD
  • pregnancy
  • termination for medical reasons
  • UBT
  • unbalanced translocation
  • ventriculomegaly
  • x-linked hydrocephalus

Books I've Read

  • Beyond Childlessness: For Every Woman Who Ever Wanted to Have a Child and Didn't - Rachel Black and Louise Scull
  • Shoot the Damn Dog: A Memoir of Depression - Sally Brampton
  • The Woman who Went to Bed for a Year - Sue Townsend
  • Lean In - Sheryl Sandberg
  • Empty Cradle, Broken Heart: Surviving the Death of Your Baby - Deborah L. Davis
  • 'You'll Get Over It': The Rage of Bereavement - Virginia Ironside
  • Genetics For Dummies - Tara Rodden Robinson
  • Resilience: Bounce back from whatever life throws at you - Jane Clarke, John Nicholson
  • Georgiana, Duchess of Devonshire - Amanda Foreman
  • Fathers Feel Too - Andrew Don
  • Message From an Unknown Chinese Mother - Xinra
  • When a Baby Dies - Nancy Kohner
  • Taking Charge of Your Fertility - Toni Weschler
  • A Gift of Time: Continuing Your Pregnancy When Your Baby's Life Is Expected to Be Brief - Deborah Davis & Amy Kuebelbeck
  • Handle With Care - Jodi Picoult
  • The Wife Who Ran Away - Tess Stimson
  • Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway - Susan Jeffers
  • How to Be a Woman - Caitlin Moran
  • Daughters-in-Law - Joanna Trollope

Relevant websites

  • A Heartbreaking Choice
  • Antenatal Results and Choices (ARC)
  • Chromosome Disorder Outreach - US chromosome disorder support
  • Daily Mail article - ending a pregnancy for fetal abnormality
  • Daily Mail article: Mother sues hospital for missing son's disabilities
  • HealthTalkOnline - Fetal Abnormalities
  • Impact of chromosome problems
  • Ireland - Campaign for TFMR
  • Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists - 2010 Report on TFMR
  • SOFT UK - T13 & T18
  • The Guardian - article on TFMR
  • UK NHS Fetal Anomaly Screening Programme
  • Unique - UK chromosome disorder support
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