Frustration

A bit of an 'argh' moment I'm afraid. We went to our initial PGD consultation on Thursday and first off, they said that due to the waiting list, we aren't likely to start the actual IVF process until August or September. Having waited since early January for the probes to be developed, which they now are, to be told we have to wait another 3 1/2 - 5 months before starting treatment is utterly infuriating. It's it's not like I want to give myself injections and pump myself full of god-knows-what anyhow! Why oh why can't they run the waiting list for ivf concurrently with the probe development? Sorry, this is hardly the worst thing in the world to happen but I do feel like a toddler wanting to throw my toys out of the pram.

It's just that I've been stuck on Planet Dead Baby for so long now, I was really hoping that I was up for parole, but it looks like I'm going to have to try to hold on to what's left of my sanity for a little while longer.

I suppose it comes down to the fact that if we're going to get any of the - perfectly likely - scenarios of there not being any embryos to create/all the embryos are UBT/no normal ones survive to transfer/etc etc, I just want to face that sooner rather than later. And if it's a BFP then all the better, but I JUST WANT TO KNOW!!!! 

In the past four years I've had a m/c and gone on to give birth twice, with both babies being dead (sorry to be graphic) and with other family members rubbing it in by having perfectly healthy, live babies, I've had as much as one human being can take on that front. I guess another few months can't do any harm, but I still feel knocked back. Had sooooo hoped it would be sooner. I just feel I'm getting older and older. Grey hairs are appearing and being plucked out as and when  .

Sorry. Evidently feeling sorry for myself. Rant over.