2yr and 4yr anniversaries

These past few days mark the second and fourth anniversaries of my two tfmrs. The first was on May 22 2009 and the second on 28 May 2011. This year I am not feeling as bad as the first anniversary of my second tfmr. After that second tfmr, I pretty much cried at some point every day for the next year and a bit. The first anniversary was an important watershed moment. Since that time I've found out I'm a de novo balanced translocation carrier, had two unsuccessful rounds of ivf/Pgd and am now taking anti-depressants to stop myself spiralling into the worst of my depressive episodes. Myself and DH are currently having joint fertility counselling at the ivf hospital. DH wants to carry on with the ivf, believing we have a good chance of success, while I've had enough, and in a much more negative frame of mind about our chances. Basically I don't think they are good. I realise I'm a pretty glass-half full person anyway, and he's the opposite, but I just don't want more injections, scans, poking and prodding. Plus he refuses to go anywhere near me 'naturally' which I realise is understandable but still upsetting. DH is quite clear that a future without children is not acceptable to him. I am more sanguine about it. I have thought about egg donation and adoption, and I'm not there yet. I don't know what I want. I think what I need is a good, long period of psychological stability and I may slowly revert back to a semblance of my old self. 

A few things you shouldn't say to a childless woman

Pretty good article from Australian publication, The Age, on some of the things people with kids say to those without:

http://www.theage.com.au/comment/a-few-things-you-shouldnt-say-to-a-childless-woman-20130503-2iyj5.html

Impact of Grief

Our circumstances are of course very different, but I can relate to much of what this blogger has to say about how he feels, six months after he lost his wife.

http://lifeasawidower.com/2013/05/01/six-months/