Saturday 15 September 2012

End of a journey

I have to say that my one, overriding feeling since the end of our IVF treatment is one of relief. Relief that for the first time in four/five years we are not: trying to get pg/being pg and worried as hell/getting a devastating diagnosis/living with the aftermath of loss/waiting for IVF/going through IVF. Really, pretty much every moment of every day during these past few years has been dominated by one or more of those things. I feel relief that I've finally reached a point where I can do and plan things that are nice for a change. It feels like I've been let out of a prison. At the moment, I really don't feel like I want to have a baby at any cost. So far, the cost in emotional terms has been too high. Neither am I so hell-bent on having child that I am willing to put myself through IVF cycle after IVF cycle regardless of the financial and psychological cost. I would go as far as to say that I just want to wash my hands of the whole thing. I firmly believe I can still have a perfectly nice life without a child and I don't want to spend another five years being as emotionally crushed as I have been so far. I have longed for freedom, and now I have it.

2 comments:

  1. Enjoy your freedom hun, take care xx

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  2. I don't know what to say other than I hope that somewhere out in this great universe there is a wonderful plan for you and your husband and that whatever that plan is you are blessed with more joy that you know how to comprehend. My heart goes out to you for all you have had to deal with. I can certainly understand what you are saying about all of the time and emotions you have invested into having a healthy baby. I've long ago given up trying to understand why things happen the way they do and it's situations like yours that I just never ever understand. Take care.

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